Touch My Monkey

In a bit of absurdity (serious as it is to some)...

In case you need to travel with your helper monkey through airspace, here are a few things that you need to know about security (but leave home with lots of time to spare)...

*When the handler and service monkey go through the walk through metal detector and the detector alarms, both the handler and the monkey must undergo additional screening. [it might be a knife throwing circus monkey in reality -- you really do have to be careful]

*Since service monkeys may likely draw attention [slow down everyone else getting through security, what with the rubber-necking], the handler will be escorted to the physical inspection area where a table is available for the monkey to sit on. Only the handler will touch or interact with the service monkey. [they can bite off a finger]

*Security Officers have been trained to not touch the service monkey during the screening process  [insurance probably doesn't cover monkey ravaging]

*Security Officers will conduct a visual inspection on the service monkey and will coach the handler on how to hold the monkey during the visual inspection.  [this is why a prehensile tail comes in useful]

*The inspection process may require that the handler to take off the monkey’s diaper as part of the visual inspection. [treat the monkey nicely or it may use the contents of its diaper in protest]

Brackets are mine.

thanks BoingBoing for the link to the TSA special needs page.

Smoking in The Boys Room (on an airplane)

In more airline news...

I smoke, which is why I don't drink when I fly (my ciggy consumption shoots way up when I drink and drinking without smoking would be like stabbing myself in the leg).  I always have ancient nicorette gum in my carry-on in case I go a bit withdrawal crazy, but I don't exacerbate being stuck in a people-filled no-smoking closet for 9 - 11 hours by drinking.  I sleep instead.  I take an anti-histamine or valium and do my best to ignore the whole thing.  I have gotten to where I don't mind so much if I am not smoking on a plane for hours on end.  (the mind is a strange thing)  I do light up the second I step outside, of course.  Head Rush.  If I am ever to quit smoking I will have to move into a grounded airplane for a week to get it out of my system.

'Ryanair' is the 'Spirit' of cheap flights

I guess some people have uses for ultra cheap airlines that charge for everything in dribs and drabs -- but personally it infuriates me and makes me feel somehow sub-human. 

I have only been on Ryanair for one round trip and everything about it pissed me off so much that when the plane tilted and swerved crazily as it landed -- half the plane screamed (has anyone ever heard a bunch of people in a plane scream?  I have, once and only once) but I just swore, it managed to piss me off even more!  The landing the other way was bad too, just not as bad.  I want to know how long their pilots have been flying.  (either period, or how long their shifts are...because they are either new at it, tired, or pissed off as well)