Friday, April 9, 2010

Smoking in The Boys Room (on an airplane)

In more airline news...

I smoke, which is why I don't drink when I fly (my ciggy consumption shoots way up when I drink and drinking without smoking would be like stabbing myself in the leg).  I always have ancient nicorette gum in my carry-on in case I go a bit withdrawal crazy, but I don't exacerbate being stuck in a people-filled no-smoking closet for 9 - 11 hours by drinking.  I sleep instead.  I take an anti-histamine or valium and do my best to ignore the whole thing.  I have gotten to where I don't mind so much if I am not smoking on a plane for hours on end.  (the mind is a strange thing)  I do light up the second I step outside, of course.  Head Rush.  If I am ever to quit smoking I will have to move into a grounded airplane for a week to get it out of my system.

Many times I have looked up at the smoke detector in the airplane bathroom (which I got into for free) wondering if anyone has ever figured out a way to beat the system, but that $2000* fine sticker if you are caught smoking, does it for me.  I just ponder and no more.

Well, if you decide that you can afford $2000* for a cigarette, there's one thing you don't do if you are caught...don't joke that you were "trying to light your shoe on fire" (it makes the joke even less 'funny' if you are Arab, slightly sorry for my lack of PC, but it is true). "Bomb" is a joke you don't make in relations to airplanes, and never EVER make ON a plane, especially when you smell like smoke.

Which is what a guy from the Qatari Embassy did yesterday on a flight from Washington to Denver.  Of course fighter jets were scrambled.  (I think people who cause jets to be scrambled or flights to be diverted because of their lack of wit should have to pay for these emergency maneuvers, who is with me on this?  Everyone has their hands up I see)  If you are caught smoking, I can't think of anything you can say to keep the airplane on the way to its destination without a lot of hullabaloo except the truth.

What an idiot.  His government must feel the same because he has been called back to Qatar pronto.

[*It must have been awhile since I have tried to think of ways to smoke in the bathroom because I just saw another article where it is a $3300 fine.  Also for those who don't know, fighter jets are not there to help you land safely, they are there to shoot the plane down if need be.  "The needs of the many out-weigh the needs of the few"  Put that in your pipe and...]

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